im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
