Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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