I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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