he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
