I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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