there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
