Whod you bang
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
