she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize