my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there's paper in my vomit.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
