I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
