Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
