Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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