And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize