Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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