you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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