like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
