i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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