remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
