She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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