"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
