I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
