Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
