this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
