I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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