Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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