im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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