yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
