When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
