I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
