21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
