I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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