So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
