just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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