im holly from the hills drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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