Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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