The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
