if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
