I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
