Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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