i just wanna soil my oats bro
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
