When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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