Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
