He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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