47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
