I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
