I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
