Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
