We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize