May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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