why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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