Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
