Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize