Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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