She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
