She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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