i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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