He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
