So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
