Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
