First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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