It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is my gift to your gina
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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