i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
