Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
