R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
