She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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