JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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