if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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