I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
