I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
high people should be assigned attendants
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
