I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
