Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
