So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
