I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
