this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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