I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He kissed a someone with a penis
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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