um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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