Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
