Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
