in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
