He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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