He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
