smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
