Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
