You can't motorboat a personality
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
