she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
