I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
