I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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