Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
