please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize