rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
