he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
whose parrot is this?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
