she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
