You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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