I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
