you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
