My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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