I'm jealous of your bromance
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
