He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
