Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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