Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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