who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
