I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
