eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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