My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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