Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize