Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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