i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
